10 Tips to Make Friends at Events
You know that feeling when you’re about to join a new space, event, club, or activity and you think… “Will I be the only new person there?” “Will I fit in?” “Will anyone want to talk to me?” You probably already know these fears are normal and that you’re not alone—but somehow, that still doesn’t make them any less real.
Since lockdown, many of us have lost a bit of our social resilience, making it harder to connect and form new friendships in person. That’s why this year, we’re leaning into social events more and tackling this challenge head-on. The good news? There’s a bit of a formula to making friends and connections, and you can absolutely get better at it.
Here, we’re sharing some of the insights and tips from our Talking Rope session on March 9th. Thank you to everyone who came along and contributed—hopefully, this helps someone out there!
1. Leave assumptions at the door
It’s easy to assume you’ll be the only new person at an event. But when you carry that thought into the space, it’s easy to make other assumptions that simply aren’t true—like thinking that the people chatting in a group must all know each other well. In reality, they may have just met five minutes before you walked in!
2. Arrive early
If possible, getting to an event early is a great strategy. It gives you time to settle in, get familiar with the space, and observe as others arrive. When the venue is quieter, you’re more likely to strike up a conversation naturally. Plus, early arrivals often get a chance to meet the organizers, ask questions, and even help with setup—speaking of which…
3. Find a role
Having a role at an event can be a great way to ease social anxiety and facilitate connections. You don’t need to wait for someone to assign you a task—if you see an opportunity to help, take it! Whether it’s tidying up, assisting with setup, or offering to lend a hand, being useful can make you feel more comfortable and engaged.
4. Take the first step
Don’t wait for someone to approach you—you’d be surprised how quickly people open up when you take the initiative. See a group chatting? Ask if you can join. Spot someone else standing alone? Introduce yourself. Notice a volunteer or organizer? Say hello and mention that you’re new. It can be nerve-wracking, but putting yourself out there is often incredibly rewarding.
Pro tip: Queues are fantastic for this! Some of the best friendships in the scene have formed while waiting in line—whether for a venue, a bathroom, or even a kettle to boil.
5. Don’t let frenzy take over
It’s natural to want friendships, connections, and play partnerships to happen immediately, but realistically, these things take time. Don’t let that sense of urgency overshadow genuine interactions. Instead, focus on building trust and connection—everything else will follow naturally.
6. Familiarity is key
The more you show up, the easier it gets. Being a familiar face at an event makes it more likely that people will recognize and approach you. Friendships don’t usually form from a single encounter—consistent presence is what fosters deeper connections.
7. Set realistic expectations
If you set the bar too high (e.g., expecting to play with ten people at your first event), you’re more likely to leave disappointed. Most people tie and play with those they already know and trust, and that takes time to build. Instead, start small—set a goal like “I’ll attend and stay for an hour.” Odds are, you’ll feel accomplished for simply showing up, and each time, it will get easier. With the right mindset, making friends will come naturally.
8. Beat co-dependence with a skill
Want to get tied at an event but don’t know anyone yet? Learn some rope yourself! Even basic knowledge—like self-tying or practicing a single-column tie—can help ease social anxiety because it gives you something to do. Plus, there are usually more people wanting to be tied than people tying, so having a bit of rope knowledge increases your chances of engaging with others while building confidence.
9. Find common ground—but be mindful of oversharing
It’s completely natural to feel excited when you finally find ‘your people.’ Maybe you’ve been waiting a long time to openly discuss topics that felt off-limits elsewhere. We’ve all been there! But be mindful of oversharing too quickly (or trauma-dumping, as one of our attendees put it). Similarly, avoid diving into overly personal questions right away.
Yes, the common ground at kink events is kink and sex—but that doesn’t mean every conversation has to be about that. People appreciate being seen as multidimensional, so engage with them as whole individuals.
10. Own your experience & don't expect hand holding
When you’re new, it can be tempting to seek out a ‘mentor’—someone experienced who can show you the ropes (literally and figuratively). While some people enjoy this dynamic, others don’t. Some of the best friendships form with those who are in a similar stage of discovery as you—someone to share thoughts, experiences, and struggles with as you both navigate the space together.
Remember, you’re stepping into these spaces as an adult, and that means taking responsibility for your own experience. Even structured events designed for beginners won’t hold your hand the entire way. It’s up to you to take initiative—whether that means introducing yourself, asking questions, or simply observing until you feel comfortable. You get to decide how much or how little you want to engage, and that’s completely okay.
Hopefully, these tips make the process of stepping into new spaces feel a little less intimidating. Making connections takes time, but with the right approach, it becomes easier—and even enjoyable. See you at the next event! 😊